My lifelog....: 2010

We ride....

When this man brings you into his humble hut and he generously pours you endless drinks of refreshing mint tea, you drink it and you smile....... and you ignore the seepy taste of death in your mouth while you sink into oblivion upon the craziest of places God has created.

He will put ground nuts coated with sand of dessert in front of you and you will crunch every bit of it with smile....but it’s so nice..It’s such a great feeling to be so far away from home and wonder if you are any closer to where we all begin – community.

The only reason our species have been able to exist in such vast growth is because of our abilities to work together. We are offered into the homes of strangers and we eat strange foods and ask questions about the strange things on the walls.

BUT, it is us who are the strangers. This is why we travel. We do this to find ourselves in the most foreign places known to us and we are swallowed up into a whole new way of living and loving. AND I think of this every time I am back home, I think of farmers I have met and the fishermen who, as we speak, are somewhere in the world living amongst their people in smiles...

Yet I wander, with no home... no tribe... only my thoughts and a few stories I want to share with the world. I will find it someday, whatever it s I am looking for, until then I’ll stare at the sun and burn my eyes on the horizon. We ride tonight into the abyss and into the nothingness of the desert.

by Dr. Chronic~ ~ Sunday 12 December 2010 1 comments

Another smile.

The incident had really been quite debilitating... I sank in the deepest site of my blind infatuations, in the darkest of deep Ocean, banging hard on its floor.

I thank God for His endless mercy and the courage He instilled in me to put back all the bits and pieces together. It was a lesson of life I have completely learnt from the human race.

The remaining wrecks are still sinking, but time will definitely bring them up to surface.. I’m all happy and glad now, that I’m recovering well from the torment.

by Dr. Chronic~ ~ 0 comments

@@

LOVE is BLIND...

& So am I..

damn it!!!

by Dr. Chronic~ ~ Wednesday 24 November 2010 1 comments

unique.

sometimes, *** there's just no accounting for taste! so don't try and account for it..

You don't have to understand why a friend is so very fond of something or someone

that you simply can't see the attraction of,

you simply need to agree to disagree and let them get on with it.

They are happy, so don't say anything to spoil it for them!!

by Dr. Chronic~ ~ Sunday 14 November 2010 0 comments

Moving on..

History is largely told as chronicles of great people doing great things...

But for most of us, life is not made up of big moments.

It is made up of small moments...

and with every small choice,

and every small decision,

We are defining ourselves...

are we honest?

are we faithful?

are we proud of ourselves?

or are we disappointed by who we have become??

Life does not always turn out the way we planned...

The unexpected happens and it surprises us with new and exciting possibilities..

BUT sooner or later..

REALITY HITS YOU IN THE FACE!

by Dr. Chronic~ ~ 0 comments

Ella - Standing in the eyes of the World

It was 3:15 in the morning and for some reasons I still couldn't sleep. I took off my shirt like i always did before dozing off and sat against the wall on my bed, facing up the windows..the night air that particular moment was just boiling!! I might have been acclimatised by the harsh cold British weather all this time that my body would just repel the slight increase in temperature... yeah whatever!! My brain was just not ready for a critical reasoning after such a sleepless night.. I'm now yet to find the reasons! as this business involves a whole lot of hassle, changing the biological clock!

My mind was floating to the bizarreness of my wildest future and dreams, as far as my sight could take me to the skies through that opened windows.. nothing seemed to be crystal-clear as the night itself might have implied but i didn't seem to realize it even earlier.... The infamous Robert Frost and his "the road not taken" suddenly came up in my mind, but the path to choose that time was not ordinary!.

I found myself facing up the ceiling at some point, forcing out the "higher center" to again figure out the exit plans..but I failed to even draft them after the entire silent night had been consumed...I was just floating wherever my brain took me, reminiscing the good and bad past memories, and when it got too intrusive, I came back to the original plan...

I might have to try again next time...It's alright, i was never a failure!
_____________________________________________________________________________________
and tonight,
at the same spot! but the windows are opened a lot wider to let the night air in and i can see more open starless skies! very PLAIN! My right brain has now taken over the moment, "you've got to prioritize and deal with the current challenges in front of you, do one at a time and forget those conflicting future plans for a while"! I have big exams coming up in 6 weeks time and I HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO DO WELL this time!! A wise man does not fall twice at the same place, and I don't want my confidence to jeopardize my future again, be humble! and do whatever it takes man!

Looking out the windows again, I'm not lucky enough to find the amazing northern light auroras but I can see some random "robotic fireflies" on their way to touch the ground.. I now miss home more than ever! and pleaseeeeeeeeeee, I wanna have a good summer!!

Gearing up up upppp!!

by Dr. Chronic~ ~ Sunday 16 May 2010 1 comments

you joker!

A polish girl went to the Gynaecologist. She disrobed and got up into the stirrups.

The doctor was so shocked at the neglectful state of her vagina and he asked, "when was the last time you had a check-up?"

"well to be honest with you," she blushed" "I have never had a czech up there, but i have had several Hungarians" LOL

by Dr. Chronic~ ~ Tuesday 20 April 2010 2 comments

a F.A.K.E pleasure...

The oceans in between get deeper and deeper with time, I get used to being far from home, I get used to waking up not knowing where I am or what country I am in, and before long I begin to wonder if home has ever forgotten about me......

____________________________________________________________________________________ Remember there is work to be done...
There is a challenge ahead of me to push myself to the limits of my capacity for growth,
I do things I never would have thought I'd ever do,
I surprised Myself always,
Sometimes, I think I am over my head,
I wish others could see this & I wish others cared about it.

I sat at a table which is just like any other cosmic table in the warmth of my memory. I sat with the Austrians, the kurds, the Canadians, the Iraqis and not to forget the overrated British. It was the same cosmic table I have sat at in my mind for years and the same one which compels me to be a life-long explorer of the planet earth.... We broke bread, raise cups to the air and spoke through the mystical communication of SMILE and BODY LANGUAGE!!
Nights like these have kept me going....

I do not have these experiences at home.=p

by Dr. Chronic~ ~ Friday 16 April 2010 2 comments

It will grow inside you, if you let it.

when I was young (i can't really say that now :)) i had this strange inflated sense of emotionless-ness when it came to saying goodbye to people. I could easily say goodbye to friends and family and not think twice about the next time i would see them. This is not because of a cold heart but out of necessity.
Before I left home for my studies, I knew that i had to put up walls around my emotions and prepare for the worst long before my departure or I would never make that jump. A few years and a few oceans of swims later this tactic seems to have WORN OFF. I find myself getting very sad when people leave and now more than ever i miss people back home. I also miss people I have come to know in my travels in the past and I only wish that somehow i could thank them for all they have done for me.

I had to say goodbye to another good friend a week ago; an elective student from Austria I met when I was on the orthopaedic firm. We've been doing things together with another good friend of mine ever since we first met, having dinner, watching movies not to forget some sightseeing on the weekends. Life was so much fun!
I'd definitely tag the period she was here as being one of those "life at its perks" in my time line. It's so sad that she had to bid us goodbye after 6 weeks and again the same bloody classic "Friends come and go" left its prick until this very moment. I must admit that I can't handle too much emotions at one go, I'd definitely burst in the INSIDE.

I'll not write more on the subject.I learned when i was in Egypt that sadness is like something that will grow inside of you if you let it. It should be recognized, processed and cast away from you otherwise it will consume you. I only want it to be known that i miss and love my friends from all walks of life and such as the cells of my body are transient and ever changing so too i take with me the love my friends have bestowed upon me. I love you guys.

by Dr. Chronic~ ~ Friday 19 March 2010 1 comments

Nothing is really sacred.

It is in this last breath of esoteric nonsense that I rub my eyes into clarity and with softer voice I speak. I can transport myself into any of my travels when I sleep at night, sometimes when I am awake, often they are beautiful dreams of the worlds of sights and sounds I have come to know.

I can see the beautiful, serene valley of Todra gorge of Morocco and its neighbouring Dades river. They have both curved out cliff-sided canyons through the Atlas Mountains. The view is even more spectacular as the canyon narrows to a flat stony track in places with sheer and smooth rock walls up so high on each side! BREATHAKING.

Sometimes I enjoy the hustle and bustle of Djeema El Fana and its surrounding ridiculous flea markets and souks of Marrakech. People are haggling, buying and selling everywhere in these souks but I on the other hand was swindled, DAMN IT!

I can still smell the most colourful arrays of herbal medicines, big tajines of cous-cous with lemons and almond chicken, or a crackling hot bowl of snail soup! YUCKsss! but the ridiculous Faris seems to enjoy it so much! I can still smell the STINK of it and recall both times the feeling of getting used of that small every night there and wondering if anything is TRULY DIFFERENT AT ALL or just my perceptions?

I often see myself completely immersed in the MOST RELAXING felluca ride to Nubian Village in Aswan! I can still feel myself breathe in the fresh air, the gentle wind constantly ruffles my hair, sailing through the Nile River with breathtaking views on either side! HEAVEN.

Now I am all awake in the pricks of reality, coming to nearly the end of my journey of space flight around the sun. I am awake and dreaming. I am living and loving the beauty of this arrogant city, looking at a table with an empty glass and a mole skin journal which holds my EXIT strategy along with my fate. Every piece of this journey must be mathematically calculated to keep myself safe, preparation is the key!

In the torn of this westernized society, in this painfully friendly city I now live in, I find myself in silent smiles towards the diverse ‘genes’ I have come to know in the last 7 months. My story has landed a supporting actor role in their movies and i'll not feel the shame of failing to tell them the love of theirs that I bring with me always. "That’s your problem amezul, you love too much." - JB

So what will become of me?

whatever has happened in my life is a one-way process set in motion that cannot be reversed. This is the path i've chosen and i know when to listen to the scratches of dust in my throat. I'm awake now with this love and no other love I watch the tide slap against the seawall at night and iI begin to fathom the limits of our known universe.

I admit that I'm LONELY sometimes, but I just wish other people could feel this. I'm lonely in the sense that I feel alone with my thoughts.

Take a good look at my eyes next time you see me.. they've seen a lot..

by Dr. Chronic~ ~ Saturday 13 March 2010 0 comments

:(

If grief makes us closer to Allah,
is HAPPINESS therefore a curse???

There’s just no accounting for happiness,
or the way it turns up like a prodigal
who comes back to the dust at your feet
having squandered a fortune far away!

by Dr. Chronic~ ~ Thursday 4 March 2010 0 comments

Nadiku

Suara kisah kita,
yang sehalus sahutan di mata,
segala norma yang melenaku,
pada aroma syurga kita,
nan syahdu cinta menunggu,
sayunya kerna air matamu.

Nadiku bagaikan berlagu,
nantimu,
hentikan apa berlaku padamu ,
yang ku temu,
hadirmu sambutlah damba dakapanku.

Suria,
Kasih kita
yang berbisik gerimis serinya,
Seindah frasa yang damaikanku,
Walau sezarah air mata,
biarku kucup wajahmu,
leburkan saja ia padaku.

by Dr. Chronic~ ~ Thursday 18 February 2010 0 comments

Stories on a Swing

I could’ve sworn his great youth was slowly swirling,

Right in front of his hazy eyes, behind his big glasses,

In that confined space,

He talked with an unchallenged certainty,

and I recalled,

His wisdom was something that needed succession......

I wasn’t listening much,

Another burst of stories in limited time, said my little heart, SAD!

For he had no one in this world, I decided to stay,

I stared at him, sitting on the old swing,

Trying to feel his words as they lined across him,

One by one,

And each, bearing years worth of his life.

On that fine afternoon,

He told me the stories of his life,

and I quite liked it.

Dedicated to one of my patients, who died last friday at Homerton Hospital.

Mr PW, RIP

by Dr. Chronic~ ~ Sunday 10 January 2010 1 comments

Regrets,

To the guy whom I stumbled upon on my way out of the sphinx,

standing against a giant block, selling some travel books,

GOD BLESS YOU,

For I have been rude to you,

Having FUN, haggling down the price to my knees,

For your time and courage I have wasted,

And for your hopes I might have shattered.

I am sorry.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

To the small kids on the streets, selling postcard I didn’t buy,

And to anyone who has helped, I didn’t tip or say thanks to,

May Allah reward your good deeds, and shine a light into your lives,

For a much brighter future, amen!

Yours sincerely,

The selfish and ignorant!

by Dr. Chronic~ ~ Saturday 9 January 2010 2 comments

Snow flurries.

I received an email last Wednesday from the medical school, about the current snowy weather in London and how it might have an impact on the teaching at various placements. Last year, the transports were completely crippled down by the snow storm, preventing millions from getting into their workplaces and yeah... we snowed in for 2 days! Good stuff!

Back to the email....some people apparently were happy and so lived up to the possibility of time off from work but I was on the other hand, realistically felt completely the opposite. May be it was New year! They seemed neurotic with a sudden workload after a long Christmas break and with the idea of getting back into old routines, thus anticipating more holidays! Yea makes sense!

I mean... Heyyyyyyy the snow did not even settle on the ground and busses, trains whatsoever were running on time.. Why were you fussing about holidays??? I didn’t get it! you were just making false hopes and I vividly remembered on Thursday morning, many were disappointed.. SAD :(

I’m just into my work at the moment; my Health Care of the Elderly (HCOE) placement has been really great!! I’m more convinced now that I have made the right choice! another 15 months before the MBBS final, and i'm looking forward for my medical elective (A&E and trauma) in Australia! yehooo.

by Dr. Chronic~ ~ 2 comments