It will grow inside you, if you let it.

when I was young (i can't really say that now :)) i had this strange inflated sense of emotionless-ness when it came to saying goodbye to people. I could easily say goodbye to friends and family and not think twice about the next time i would see them. This is not because of a cold heart but out of necessity.
Before I left home for my studies, I knew that i had to put up walls around my emotions and prepare for the worst long before my departure or I would never make that jump. A few years and a few oceans of swims later this tactic seems to have WORN OFF. I find myself getting very sad when people leave and now more than ever i miss people back home. I also miss people I have come to know in my travels in the past and I only wish that somehow i could thank them for all they have done for me.

I had to say goodbye to another good friend a week ago; an elective student from Austria I met when I was on the orthopaedic firm. We've been doing things together with another good friend of mine ever since we first met, having dinner, watching movies not to forget some sightseeing on the weekends. Life was so much fun!
I'd definitely tag the period she was here as being one of those "life at its perks" in my time line. It's so sad that she had to bid us goodbye after 6 weeks and again the same bloody classic "Friends come and go" left its prick until this very moment. I must admit that I can't handle too much emotions at one go, I'd definitely burst in the INSIDE.

I'll not write more on the subject.I learned when i was in Egypt that sadness is like something that will grow inside of you if you let it. It should be recognized, processed and cast away from you otherwise it will consume you. I only want it to be known that i miss and love my friends from all walks of life and such as the cells of my body are transient and ever changing so too i take with me the love my friends have bestowed upon me. I love you guys.

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by Dr. Chronic~ ~ Friday 19 March 2010 1 comments

Nothing is really sacred.

It is in this last breath of esoteric nonsense that I rub my eyes into clarity and with softer voice I speak. I can transport myself into any of my travels when I sleep at night, sometimes when I am awake, often they are beautiful dreams of the worlds of sights and sounds I have come to know.

I can see the beautiful, serene valley of Todra gorge of Morocco and its neighbouring Dades river. They have both curved out cliff-sided canyons through the Atlas Mountains. The view is even more spectacular as the canyon narrows to a flat stony track in places with sheer and smooth rock walls up so high on each side! BREATHAKING.

Sometimes I enjoy the hustle and bustle of Djeema El Fana and its surrounding ridiculous flea markets and souks of Marrakech. People are haggling, buying and selling everywhere in these souks but I on the other hand was swindled, DAMN IT!

I can still smell the most colourful arrays of herbal medicines, big tajines of cous-cous with lemons and almond chicken, or a crackling hot bowl of snail soup! YUCKsss! but the ridiculous Faris seems to enjoy it so much! I can still smell the STINK of it and recall both times the feeling of getting used of that small every night there and wondering if anything is TRULY DIFFERENT AT ALL or just my perceptions?

I often see myself completely immersed in the MOST RELAXING felluca ride to Nubian Village in Aswan! I can still feel myself breathe in the fresh air, the gentle wind constantly ruffles my hair, sailing through the Nile River with breathtaking views on either side! HEAVEN.

Now I am all awake in the pricks of reality, coming to nearly the end of my journey of space flight around the sun. I am awake and dreaming. I am living and loving the beauty of this arrogant city, looking at a table with an empty glass and a mole skin journal which holds my EXIT strategy along with my fate. Every piece of this journey must be mathematically calculated to keep myself safe, preparation is the key!

In the torn of this westernized society, in this painfully friendly city I now live in, I find myself in silent smiles towards the diverse ‘genes’ I have come to know in the last 7 months. My story has landed a supporting actor role in their movies and i'll not feel the shame of failing to tell them the love of theirs that I bring with me always. "That’s your problem amezul, you love too much." - JB

So what will become of me?

whatever has happened in my life is a one-way process set in motion that cannot be reversed. This is the path i've chosen and i know when to listen to the scratches of dust in my throat. I'm awake now with this love and no other love I watch the tide slap against the seawall at night and iI begin to fathom the limits of our known universe.

I admit that I'm LONELY sometimes, but I just wish other people could feel this. I'm lonely in the sense that I feel alone with my thoughts.

Take a good look at my eyes next time you see me.. they've seen a lot..